


Worried, Coda to 12x18

by ToxicAlienDaisies13



Category: Supernatural
Genre: But I fixed it in my own way, Feels, I'm Bad At Tagging, angry at writers, thisisnkthowiplannedforthistogo, umm, which was apparently make me even sadder, whyamilikethis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-18 21:59:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10625955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicAlienDaisies13/pseuds/ToxicAlienDaisies13
Summary: A coda to Supernatural episode 18 season 12.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, critically, that moment with Dean sleeping with the waitress was unsavory.  
> It was really out of character. He's an adult now, he doesn't go around chasing tail like that anymore because he's more sophisticated than that.  
> And I do not approve of out of character actions like that.   
> I mean, when his memory faded, I let that pass because he was under a spell.  
> I also in a certain angle enjoyed it, because Dean is attractive, he can get anyone he damn pleases using any lame pick up line and the writers had forgotten that.  
> But, out of character.  
> They're excuse is probably that Dean is stressed and was just letting out steam or something like that.
> 
> Personally, my personal opinion that comes from my shipper heart, I was appalled that Dean would sleep with a woman just like that.  
> I mean, really Dean, your all worrying about Cas and your resolution is to sleep with the first hot girl you find?  
> I think he was distraught, upset that Cas was just gone, not calling back after days of trying to reach for him. Think of all the times he prayed for Cas to just come home.  
> Not answering when Cas always answers.  
> And how hard he would have tried to not make it personal, to pause and stop himself, and say we need you because we have a lead and we need your help.
> 
> So I've never done a coda before, but here we are now.
> 
> First time for everything.

Dean sat at his bed, it was late at night and Sam was up in the bunkers library doing research.  
He was staring at his wall, not really looking at the wall, but staring into the abyss that was his thoughts.

After Cas being possessed by Lucifer, almost dying, saying he wanted Cas around was an understatement.

He tried flipping through his skin magazines, cleaning his guns, reading. 

But he was worried.  
And that didn't just go away.

He'd never admit it, but he missed Cas, a longing radiated from him.

He thought sleeping with that waitress (who's name he can't even remember) would take his mind off things.  
I mean, yea, it was an awesome night but he would rather have been with Cas.

Listening to his snarky remarks, Cas had gotten even more sassy, he didn't know it was possible.  
Listening to his questions filled with confusion.  
Listening to the gruff deep gravel of his voice.

The light touches that would go to his arm, the stares he'd give Dean.

Maybe Cas didn't want to be around him?

I mean, why else would he be gone right now?

A bitter cold dread filled his chest.

What if Cas was hurt or injured?

He breathed out a huff of air.

"Cas..." he started off weakly, quietly.

"Where are you man? We need your help. I'm glad we managed without you these couple hunts, I thought I'd be a goner a couple times."

He paused, swiped his tongue to wet his dry lips.

"I mean, are you okay? I'm. Im worried Cas." He chuckled.

"I really thought you'd at least show up for Claire. I called you about it when I thought she was going to die. But you didn't answer."  
Tears brimmed to his eyes.

"I know you must be trying to look for Kelly. So you got reason to not be here. But." He paused again, pursing his lips not wanting to let the words out. But hey, Cas wasn't listening anyways.

"Do. Do you not want to be around me?" The tone in his voice was not accusing, not blaming, but pleading.

"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I did."  
He violently shut back tears, taking a shaky breath.

"I miss you," he whispered so quietly, so faintly, the words not mumbled but smooth. Yet light as a feather as it floated in the air.

He looked around the room, hope igniting, that Cas would be right next to him.  
But to no avail, no Cas.

"Damnit Cas," he said aloud to the empty room.


	2. Review on 11x18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So yea a review on the episode because why not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm more posting this for myself than anyone else who reads this to be honest.

Okay, so I've been mulling it over and I've honestly been thinking way too much about this episode.  
Like, way too much.

It was such a simple episode and yet here I am reading reviews and opinion for the last few days.

Why.

But, I've decided, by looking at all the people who either loved this episode because it was like a normal, actual, episode of supernatural.  
And the people who say they hate it because Sam and Dean were reduced to character undeveloped masses that they were in season one.

Or the people who said it was weak writing and the worst episode they've seen.

People saying it's the best episode supernatural has had in years.

Some saying that Dean was exaggerated and that that made it weak writing.

Some saying Dean was his true self.

And some saying that there was subliminal messaging everywhere with the lost dog poster and ship and what not.  
Some said that was pointing to Cas dying, destiel happening.  
Exetera.

Some saying that the random hookup Dean had was pointless because it didn't tie into the episode, or some saying that Dean is an adult and can have sex with whoever he wants.  
And some extra stuff about how people who were hating on the hookup he had were sexist against women.  
I honestly won't go further into that.

And that the woman stood for a Mary substitute because she looked exactly like young Mary and it was Deans way of connecting with his mother who has become distant.  
And some saying she was a substitute for Cas because he missed Cas.

Some hated the scenes where Ketch raided the bunker. Finding it annoying.  
Some loved it. Thought it was funny.

And all this stuff about how the family who were killing people for the God for money was parallels to Dean and Sam and their father John.  
That it represented how John would sacrifice his sons to appease his revenge agenda.  
Hence the mixed motto of, "Hunting people, killing them, the family business!"

Along with the two brothers (who's names I forgot, they died, one of them smoked weed) being parallels for Sam and Dean, one being abused, not straight, (him not being straight for not being interested in watching a bunch of straight people make out) being the parallel to Dean.  
The other brother a parallel to Sam.

That the bag of money that tricked the guy was a symbol of greed and other things.

And that when the God was chasing Dean it symbolized how Dean was trapped and abused by John.

Then there were the people who complained about Sam being the only one to kill the monsters this season.  
And how the colt didn't shoot in slow motion.

But everyone agreed that Sam and Dean carving their names into the bunkers table was emotional.  
But because of them doing that and talking about what they'll leave behind is signaling that the bunker will be destroyed and that they'll die soon.  
A lot of people said that.

Oh and that Dean worrying about Cas while Sam is chill about it saying, "He's fine."  
Signals bells for destiel.

In the end, basically, they're where fuck loads of opinions.  
A lot.

*heavy exhale*  
*why do I do this to myself?*  
*I wasted so much of my damn time*

But my final, FINAL, opinion on the episode is, right here and clear.

Isn't it strange how much Dean worries yet how nonchalant Sam is?

If you ship destiel or not, you have had to notice.  
It's strange.  
I'm going to be objective and critical, only a few side personal opinions by the way.

I mean, Dean, I know the last time Cas was gone this long he got possessed by Lucifer, so you have reason to worry.

Also your friends drop like flies, he's kind of adopted this sixth sense when he knows something is wrong.  
Who wouldn't after losing friend after friend like he's had.

But really Sam?   
Really, he is worried, he's just trying to assure his brother because Dean shouldn't be so worried.  
The last time he was so worried about Cas he was obsessed with getting him back.  
So yea, he's gonna lie because that what siblings do to assure the other.

Example:  
"Why isn't My hamster waking up?"  
"Oh don't you worry he's fine."  
*nervously passes hamster to mom to bury so to hide the dead hamster, and dad can buy a new hamster*

If you have siblings you'll at least slightly understand.

As for the whole God hunt with the family who had killed people for money, I thought it was endearing.  
Quite close to a parallel of season ones, "Scarecrow."

I liked it, I didn't think that part was bad.

As for everything else that happened.

So we have Ketch raiding the bunker, he's saying, "Find out how Sam keeps his hair so shiny, see how many ratty flannels Dean has."  
Ketch, is a man who reduces people to minimal little characters inferior to him.  
As a sociopath does.  
I liked the music that played while they investigated, it was comedic relief.

But then we have him going through Deans things.  
Of course we have the Asian porn.  
All the more to make Dean macho, and intensely heterosexual.  
It's just how Dean is, I knew at some point or another we'd see it.  
Basically a giant neon sign saying, "Dean is a tough heterosexual man!"

Which I didn't mind.  
If that's how they want to represent a character they have freedom to do so.

(Personal note. Which sure, go ahead, at least it wasn't mentioned unnecessarily for a long time.   
*cough* *the waitress* *cough*)

Anyways, then we got him going through Deans bedside drawer, a Bob Seger tape, candy, some bag, cough drops, floss.  
And pictures.  
Of the people he holds dearest of course.

But then we have Ketch take the one of Mary and Dean.  
You know your being a teenage girl with a crush on someone when you take a picture of them.

Ketch must really like Mary if he took it, is fondling the side with her in it, and staring at it longly.  
And doing so, so damn stupidly when he ordered everyone to leave everything as it is, disobeying his own rule.

And knowing that Dean will find out.

I should have seen it coming really, it's obvious he was attracted to her.  
And they slept with each other.  
I've established that he's attracted to her actions.

Mary is an excellent, cruel, efficient, hunter.  
He probably even deems her a killer like Dean.

He's attracted to how much she's like him, in his perspective anyway.  
Especially when he assumed that she chose hunting over her own family, his perspective.

He's most likely going to hesitate when killing her.

But his emotions when Dean says he doesn't like him, that he seems creepy.  
Can be him reminding himself of what he needs to do, because frankly, he doesn't like Dean or Sam either.  
Hence him saying he'd rather be with their mother and stuttering to explain why.  
Obviously lying, and badly.

A lie any sociopath could've poured out smoothly.  
I'm pretty sure Ketch isn't as   
in-humane as he thinks.  
Hence the obvious regret on his features when killing Mick.  
Sociopath, psychopath, there wouldn't have been regret.

I think he just gets high with power from killing, without all the nasty lacks of human emotion.  
It's happened before.

Of course then we have the scene where Dean sleeps with the waitress.

So, I can tell you firmly while abandoning my personal thoughts, that Dean sleeping with the waitress made sense.

Hold up, before you most likely go off on me because I'm going off at myself too.   
But listen to me.

Deans witnessed Cas almost dying, Claire almost dying, Mary coming back, and not coming back.  
Losing his memory.  
Sam lying to him about the Men of letters.  
Him almost dying a bunch of times and all this other crap.

The only two times we've seen him letting himself go was the siren hunt with the barbed wire bat as his weapon.  
He obviously took out his anger that way, being covered in blood, even chunks in his hair.  
Using unnecessary force.

And when Mick came to stay a night at the bunker, drinking himself in his body weight and waking up with a killer hangover.

That's it.

What happened to the string of one nights.  
And all the drinking.  
And all the loss of sleep.

Huh? Nowhere.

When Dean is troubled deeply, he drinks and fucks his problems away.   
While repressing them too of course.

So Cas is missing, they lost sight of Kelly Kline again.

What's he gonna do?

One of those things.

It's how he deals.

I mean, he must've really gotten a kick out of it too.  
Waitresses are hard to get, he's said so himself, and he got her with a stupid, cheesy, line.

He must've gotten validation from it.

He was a douche to Sam by ignoring what he said though.  
But I guess he favored the idea of just getting his head of the mess that is his life currently.

He got touched and cared for, in a way that was probably intense sex, but someone caring for him all the same.  
And Dean needs and craves touch, it's just who he is.  
And in a while too.  
Like, A WHILE.

So yea, Dean is more than proud of himself that he got too enjoy a pretty lady.

(Personal thought. It kind of creeped me out though, like Dean your almost forty. She's pretty young. It's kind of pervy. But she consented and is of age, so I get no say.  
I mean, if this goddess from heaven comes up to me I'm gonna say hell yea! Ya feel?  
But damn, I couldn't help control my destiel heart that got pissed and felt that Dean wouldn't do that. Blinded obviously.)

Plus I think we were all too comfortable with seeing Dean not fucking and drinking his problems away.  
We got used to it, that's why it confused most of us at first.  
Even me.

But it's apart of his facaded personality to establish himself as stronger than he thinks he is.  
And too repress his problems away because why bother dealing with them when all they bring is pain?

And we had Sam doing all the research.  
Because he's Deans brother and I'm more than sure he knows Dean needed to release tension so let it fly.

Then there was the colt shooting normal.  
Really?   
Your going to show it all intense and all of a sudden it's not normal?  
What? Run out of money for effects or something?  
I'm just saying, they should stick to it.

I do find it intriguing that Sam is killing most of the monsters these days.  
But I don't mind it, it doesn't seem anything suspicious or anything.

I like it, it shows Sam being a good hunter.  
One that he is.  
Not helpless and being the one in trouble.  
I think is and even the writers forget that Sam, when needed to is a better hunter than Dean.  
And I'm not saying that because I'm a Sam girl or despise Dean or something.

It's how it's displayed in the show.

It also made up for how little he was in the episode really.  
I found it unbalancing that Sam almost did nothing but obviously the episode wasn't solely focused on Dean.  
Really the writer is the one who focused on Dean, not the episode itself.

Of course we have the end, were they talk about their legacy and carving their initials into the bunkers table.

I don't think the bunker is going to explode or be destroyed, I mean, I think this is the beginning to them really having a home.

Which was important for Sam because he got mad at how comfortable Dean got when they first arrived.  
Saying it wasn't their home and they didn't have one.  
So I thought this was a real good thing for him.

And a lot of people are saying how Cas better carve his in, but the Impala doesn't have his initials.  
So, I don't know, I'm not sure about that. 

Also, I like the lighting in the meat locker, it was so horror movie.  
Such a grotesque aesthetic that Dean was surrounded by pig carcasses, I loved it.

It was some really good camera and lighting work that I appreciated.  
Especially as someone in photography and cinematography, you know?

In the end, I thought it could have been better.

It had some underline potential it could have reached.

But the writer is new and this is only his second episode so I forgive him.  
I appreciate what he tried to make.

Plus, we have incredibly high standards.  
I'm talking to you people who hated it. Who have no real reasoning.  
You just apparently hate it.

Or really low standards.  
People who apparently has it as their new favorite episode.  
Really?

And some of us are just angry fans.  
Really?

But like or hate it or read into every little detail, I don't care.   
It's your opinion and trust me I'll respect it and not bug it with a twenty foot pole.  
Plus, if your bothered by my opinion, come on.  
What are you, 12?  
Be civil please.  
It's your opinion. 

And this is mine.


End file.
